Sometimes i think my life was meant to suck

I'm so damn depressed on a daily bases nowadays that i have a gut feeling of apathy, loathing, and anxiety, similar to depression while incredibly hungry, it sticks to me. It makes me think things i shouldn't, it makes me want to jump in front of the nearest moving vehicle going fast enough to at least damage me a little. I assume one day the task of dealing with my problems, whether i caused them or not, will clutter my mind, to the point where i wont react to anything , and simply allow benefit and harm to roam my body as parasites, until my hosting duties are inapplicable. The feeling in my stomach is churning at the moment, it makes me uneasy, and if someone would end it all for me today, i would smile and gladly allow that soothing lead grace to pierce my brain. whether or not i've actually lost anything, i've already lost.